Butt Buster 5000

My butt hurts. No San Francisco jokes, please. No, it's because I took my new bike out for a two-hour ride and I have yet to swap the seat for something a little less medieval. I mean, take a look at that seat. Who in their right mind would put a narrow little seat like that on a crappy, slow-ass bike like this? Not me, I bought the bike used.

Last week the bike man came by with a new (used) bike for me. He gets them somewhere, apparently refurbishes them, gets them licensed, and then sells them to us idiots for about $50, a third of the price new. Of course, we have to put up with things like ass-killing seats and fraying gear wires, which I also have. But hey, the bike works and it was pretty cheap.

Before you start calling me a nerd for riding a girls' bike, I should point out that this bike is totally in here. Everyone has a bike like this. It's called what sounds like a mama cherry (actually a mama chariot), what we'd call a beater back home. They all have girl frames, baskets on the front, and even come equipped with a little bell. It's not for cross-country riding, obviously—it's for getting to the station and back.

After a week or so of tooling around town on this thing, I can honestly say that I fear for my life while on the road. Hell, I fear even on the sidewalks. Every time I leave my building's parking lot it's like I'm playing a prolonged game of chicken, and everyone is an opponent. Cars, other bicyclists, pedestrians—doesn't matter. I stop A LOT. And it's not just me that's afraid. I saw a little girl start crying today because a bicyclist flew past her at warp speed. (No, it wasn't me.)

And don't think that walking makes you any safer in this sidewalk-hating country. One of the other Americans got hit by a car the other day. In a parking lot. Good thing I have my health insurance card now.

Comments

[rupan777]

"He gets them somewhere"

It might interest you to know that bicycle theft is a common way for hoods to make money. ;)