Son of Godzilla

Japanese Title: Kaijuto no kessen: Gojira no musuko
Director: Jun Fukuda
Actors: Tadao Takashima, Akira Kubo, Bibari "Beverly" Maeda
Year Released: 1967
Genre: Kaiju
See Also: Destroy All Monsters, Godzilla's Revenge aka All Monsters Attack
Otaku Alert: Akira Kubo, who plays parachuting freelance journalist Goro, has a long and distinguished career that includes appearances in such films as Chushingura, Kill!, and, um, School of Sex.

I've been sick. Never fails. Semester ends, I stress out for finals and get sick. The only saving grace of being sick is renting bad movies from the local video place, and this I did with glee. Lo and behold, they had a few Godzilla movies I hadn't seen lately so I plunked down the $4.32 for Son of Godzilla, the 1967 entry in the series and the episode in which Godzilla jumps the shark.

Godzilla movies were my favorite when I was a kid. I especially liked his signature moves. In each film, Godzilla does some cute little move that humanizes him. In Hedorah he wipes his snout like a cat, and in Invasion of Astro-Monster he does that hilarious low-gravity jig. The move I've been looking for is like clapping, or flapping arms. After besting a foe, Godzilla flaps his arms like he's excited. Actually, I could be mis-remembering this move with another kaiju thing, like Ultra-Man. I've been through all of the Showa series save Megalon, and that one's hard to find. So anyway, I pop in ol' Son of Godzilla, grab the tissues and Tylenol, and am roundly and summarily disappointed.

Some scientists have set up a lab on a South Seas tropical island to conduct experiments on freezing the local atmosphere. Something about wanting to find new ways to farm frozen landscapes. In that case, doesn't it make more sense to just go farm in Siberia rather than freeze a tropical island and then farm it? The experiment goes wrong and the island is irradiated and super-heated, causing the already horse-sized praying mantis monsters on the island to become super giant size, which are named Kamakuras by a gonzo freelance journalist who parachutes into the island for a scoop. I was waiting for some kind of eco-disaster subplot to emerge but no, giant insects are just par for the course. Turns out there's already a massive spider named Kumonga hanging around. Pretty soon, Godzilla shows up, his son hatches from an egg, and…

OK, there are two things lame about Son of Godzilla. First, the giant insects—although admittedly pretty cool looking—are basically marionettes, not guys in suits. This drops their Godzilla battle potential to almost nil. If Godzilla tried to wrestle one he'd get tangled up in the (visible) wires. So he stands there while they fly by or spray him with silly string. The other lame thing is Minira. I mean, he looks like a tadpole, brays like a donkey, and single-handedly infantilizes the series. Take a look at 1969's Godzilla's Revenge aka All Monsters Attack for more of the same. Actually there are three lame things, the third being when hot, semi-naked island girl Saeko discovers pants.

A lot of the film is devoted to the "touching" relationship between father (mother?) and son, but it's kinda weird. I guess it's supposed to be funny, but Godzilla is really just a dead-beat dad. He accidentally knocks baby over with his tail before the kid can even walk right. During the part where he teaches his kid to breathe fire, Godzilla repeatedly brandishes his fist in a cowering Minira's face, threatening him with physical violence if he doesn't perform to his father's expectations. When Minira comes up short, Godzilla stamps on his tail. Finally, Godzilla spends a lot of the movie napping, no doubt sleeping off some kind of monster drunk, leaving the kid to wander around an island known to be populated with giant insects and spiders. It's all well and good when Godzilla wakes up long enough to save his kid, but if he had just been paying attention in the first place…

Even as a kid I never liked Minira all that much. There's something weird about his face. Oh, speaking of, what's up with Godzilla's face in this movie? He looks like an idiot. No wonder Gamera got so popular. At least he never spawned.

Lastly, shouldn't the son of Godzilla be named Jesuszilla? Just a thought.